I have a friend, S, who is going through the most intense and
trying life experience I can imagine!
Several years ago she was in an unfulfilled and abusive
marriage; the kind of relationship that required a hospital, police, and
forensic examinations. It was ugly and scary.
But.
She made it through and was awarded full sole custody of the
two children born of the union.
Not long after this, her ex-husband left with her son and
her daughter. She was a mess. Wouldn’t we all be a mess—just a huge heap of
tears and snot?
YES. Yes, we would.
It was months of calling the police over and over and over
and over and over trying to find any ounce of hope--Hope of a lead to find her
children--Hope she would ever see them again.
Just.
HOPE.
Of ANYTHING.
Then.
She heard it…a jolt!
There was a little boy being discussed on the local news—a
boy fitting the description of her little boy.
COULD IT BE???
She sat waiting for the full story to be told.
Then.
She saw it.
A picture of HER son.
Her little boy had been left—ABANDONED—at gas station. She listened to the story of how he’d
wondered around the stop for THREE days. She watched the video showing him
moving about the building from the surveillance camera. No one knew where he
came from. He was placed in foster care until a family member could be found.
S raced to get her son!
Oh the joy and relief!
But.
WHERE was her daughter? Where was her baby girl?
For several YEARS she would not know. For years she
searched. For years she wondered, worried, prayed about her sweet little baby
girl.
Then.
A few short months
back, her sister was driving through a town in the northern part of the state
we live and saw a man whom she thought she recognized. She watched until she
was certain that was, indeed, the man who had married her sister and then left
with their children years ago. She trailed him until she found where he was
living and told my friend. It was exciting news!
Here’s the problem.
Even though she has legal documents proving she has legal right to her
daughter--having full sole custody of her young daughter--the police won’t
enforce it. She has go through another custody battle for her daughter, though she
had already been found to be the better parent and though her ex-husband
kidnapped and hid their girl from S—my friend.
I don’t understand this.
My friend has called the police, she has called the
Department of Child and Family Services she has talked to the most recent school
where her daughter has been attending and even found the medical doctor she’s
been seeing. (It’s amazing what one can find when pointed in the right
direction.)
Why couldn’t the legal system find this man?
Why won’t they do anything about bringing this girl home to
her mother?
Some information about the daughter’s condition when she was
found: she is 11 years old and weighed a mere 42 pounds (half of the average
weight for an 11 year old girl), one could easily see her bones even through
her shirt, she was losing hair in clumps, she didn’t know her mother was alive
because her father told her that her S was dead, and she was going to her
doctor for urinary tract infections monthly.
Still. No one is in a hurry to see this little girl is in an
unsatisfactory situation.
S is fighting to bring her home. She has been getting
“visitation” with her daughter but has been warned by the police that she much
return her daughter to the father at the end of the visitation period.
I find this severely
offensive!
This man took off
with his children without legal custody, but, though she has papers signed by a
competent serving judge of a court of law, SHE is the one at risk for arrest if
she were to deny the return of her daughter to the man who stole her. HE clearly
broke and has displayed a continual utter lack of regard for the laws of this
land especially the order of a court???
HOW in the world does it make sense that SHE would be in
violation of the law when according to the law SHE is the one with legal and
physical authority over this child???
SOMEONE help me understand how this works?
Is ANYONE safe from parental abduction? Or “familial”
abduction? Can ANYONE just cart of with our children?
IS there REALLY any legal consequence for this kind of
thing? Or do we just frown and shake our heads but leave it be as it is?
Are court orders merely SUGGESTIONS to be followed only if
desired? Are we saying judges are now equal to a nosy neighbor who can’t keep
his/her opinion to him/herself? There’s absolutely no authority to be observed
here? Is that what we’re saying?
At this point they have had a court date to stand before a
new judge. My friend has loads of documentation and evidence of this man
driving drunk with his children in the car WITH him (and the fact that he’s had
his license revoked but continues to drive), that he falsified documents
including putting in print for the latest school AND the current physician that
S is deceased, how he clearly is interfering with the parent/child relationship
of mother and daughter alienating the girl from her mom by telling her she no
longer has a living mother, that he has been arrested many times in the last
several years while he’s had his daughter, his family has failed (refused) to
contact S letting her know her daughter is alive and/or safe, that he’s been proven to blatantly lie to law
enforcement officers several times within the last few months alone, that just
as with her when they were married he has police records of domestic violence
toward his current wife, how he has moved around many times and enrolled this
girl into several schools, of his violent temper and physically abusive
tendencies as found in police reports and documentation, of his total disregard
and endangerment of his son whom he terminated parental rights from after
discarding him at gas station, that he misrepresented the truth with the Office
of Recovery Service when applying for food stamps alleging he had legal custody
of his daughter so our state could require child support from S—even though SHE
is the one with legal custody and possesses the documents to prove this fact,
how he’s now begun character
assassination to the loved ones of S making allegations against her new husband
to interfere with the “visitation”…the list goes on.
It seems this would be in the bag.
Easy.
Done.
This guy has been able to delay going to court SIX times!
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!
HOW???
Did you know you can just keep pushing things back if you
don’t want to go to court?? I guess we are aware of this now. …AND, don’t
worry, there is no need for verification of ANY sort so say whatever to want to
get out of appearing in court.
HOW does this guy get to steal S of her children, of her
time, of her money, of her strength, of her sleep…HOW???
Why won’t the DCFS in Cache County do ANYTHING other than
“make a note” in a file???
Isn’t kidnapping a federal crime??? Isn’t it…you know, a BIG
No-no!???
WHEN does S get to have her daughter in her home to love
her, teach her, guide her, catch up with her…?
When do the rest of us mothers aware of this situation get
to feel confident that the law really does protect and serve our children?
When to we, as citizens, get to be confident that when we
contact DCFS that they are actually trying to do what’s best for children? What
exactly does it take to get intervention—a simple well-check?
When a child tells an adult that her guardian smeared the
baby’s feces on her face, is that NOT a problem? Is wiping poop on another
person’s face acceptable behavior now? Is this Not worth checking out?
When teachers complain that an 11 year old stinks like urine
and fecal matter often, is there zero concern?
When a concerned TEACHER calls DCFS to report a problem isn’t
there some sort of legal requirement to have that investigated??
WHY won’t the police do ANYTHING? Especially after tangibly
holding and reading a documents ordered by the court, signed by an honorable
judge?
WHY won’t DCFS do ANYTHING?
WHY is this child STILL in the home of someone who does NOT,
in fact, have legal custody--or permission from the one who DOES have legal
custody???
Do we now relegate children to the whole “finders keepers,
losers weepers” school of thought as if they are mere pencils or rubber balls??
Is there some sort of time limit, some expiration date, some
statute of limitations none of us are aware of declaring when a parent can
claim a child who’s been taken from them illegally…and when they cannot???
Do we really just
look at a mother or father who’ve searched for a child ripped from them and
say:
Oh, so sorry, you missed finding them by and hour?
Or two days?
Or 4 minutes?
Or a certain number of years?
We simply say: Darn, that must suck for you but, hey, we’re
too busy or uninterested to care?
WHAT IS GOING ON?
PLEASE, help me understand, because right now, this case
makes me very afraid for children all over this state.
How many have been taken and cannot return because our legal
system seems to be on the supporting side of the offender rather than the child
and the legal guardian?
