A Collection of Great Advice for Young Women

So I read a post on another blog written by a woman who is active in the lives of many, many teenager. She has her own children, has adopted many children, and is a foster parent. She has some perspective.

In reading her advice to young women I could only think of how empowering and freeing the truth of her words are...of course, there are a couple of things I modify in my own head but all in all I think the list of things she posted are worthy things to discuss with one's own children.

I'd like to add to her list a couple of concepts prior to leading you to her post: Realistic Advice to Teenage Girls.

•  Remember your value has nothing to do with other people or their opinions. But, be ready to navigate a whole slew of judgmental bombs from every direction, so "Never go to war where there are no spoils"--make your stand where it REALLY matters to you.
• People believe what you're telling them about yourself. Be sure the outside matches the inside. While we "shouldn't" judge others, we human creatures do, and rather unfairly, too. While you're not responsible for what others do as a result of their conclusions, you may want to be sure you're advertising who you really are.
• Remember "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". You can only be offended by another person's opinion if you begin trading your judgment for theirs or you buy into their opinions being more powerful than your own. Keep your power.
• We all slip, we make mistakes, be kind to yourself and be kind to others when it happens. It will happen many more times than you would like.
• Give others the "benefit of the doubt". Generally other people aren't purposely out to hurt and drag you down. Sometimes they are but usually a person is simply tripping on words or lost in their own struggles.
• Remember the golden rule and cash in on it. Treat others kindly and generously.
• Remember equal rights means equal responsibilities, not a blank check.
• Pointing out a whole in the ground does not mean you want someone to fall into it. If someone speaks frankly to you about perceptions, value it as an FYI and move on with your own personal judgment on what you'll do with the information. If you really like that whole, thank them for pointing it out and jump in, if you don't like the whole, thank them and move around it. There's no need to yell at or slam them.
• Your attitude really is what makes or breaks any given situation.
• If your are prepared you will have no need to be afraid...intimidated maybe, but not afraid, so do your due diligence to know what you're doing...and why. 
• Knowledge really is key. Learn. Be educated. And know some practical application for the theories you study.

With that, I'd like to share the advice of Backwoods Mom: http://backwoodsmom.danoah.com/2011/05/realistic-advice-to-teenage-girls.html

At this point I'd really like to know from you what you think is a really great piece of advice for your women today. Don't worry, I am aware and acknowledge something like this for young men is just as worthy and I will focus on one later...our young men need to be encouraged, too!  So.......what's the word, what do you wish someone would tell you or would have told you as a teen??

Leaving kids in the car?

I did the unthinkable. 

Yes. 

I left my daughters in the van so that I could run into the store. 

I did it. 

I went to the grocery store. With me were my 14 yr daughter, 12 yr daughter, 9 yr daughter, and my 4 yr daughter. I ran in to get a prescription for my 15 yr son leaving my girls in the van. 

I had called ahead for the refill for the medication and expected it to be ready when I walked up to the counter, but, of course, because this is MY life, no, it wasn't there. I now must roam and mill about the store for 15 minutes waiting for the pharmacy personnel to pure 30 tablets into a bottle for me. 

Fine. Whatever...


My 9 yr old girl decided she couldn't wait out in the van so she runs into the store, stops in the bathroom, then finds me so she can be doing whatever exciting things she imagine her mom could be doing in the same boring grocery store she's been in so many times before.


Everything is fine, we see all the fruits, cans, frozen containers, pens, perfumes, chips, drinks, shampoos, lotions, and cosmetics, we walked the whole store and did so in 15 minutes. I wasn't shopping just walking passed all the items displayed...it was just so exciting. 


I get to the counter, pick up the meds and pay zero dollars for our co-pay--because we have totally used up our family deductible at this point in the year--and walk out to the van so the girls and I can get on with doing other things we enjoy much more that waiting.


When I sit in my seat and start the van my 14 yr daughter tells me that during the time her sister and I were in the store a police officer pulled up behind our van, came to the window, and started asking her identifying questions because someone in the parking lot of this grocery store called the authorities worried about the "kids left in the car unattended". He asked her why she seems nervous (Duh?) and then told her wasn't going to worry about it because the air conditioner was going and she seems old enough.


Really?


Now, I understand we can't be leaving our babies in the car when we walk off, but I always thought that was because wee ones are generally secured into car seats and can't, you know, OPEN  WINDOWS or A DOOR should the car prove to be an aspiring oven without a turkey to bake.  

I also thought the reason for not leaving small children in the car was because they're LITTLE and aren't capable of tending to themselves all that awesomely or make dependable--or predictable--decisions. 

I didn't really think this also applied to big kids who can read, lift 40 pounds, ride a city bus alone, baby sit, open doors, and do algebra.


So here's my question. Are teens just not big enough to sit in the car alone? If a young person is old enough by law to be given the responsibility of watching, tending, and protecting younger children in a house--or any other building, at a park, or any other place for HOURS at a time, could it be possible that the same young person is incapable of sitting with siblings in a van for the enormous amount of time that 15 minutes has proven to be?


Maybe it was an appearance thing. Perhaps the person in the parking lot thought my daughter in the front seat looked like she was five or something. But...


My 14 yr daughter is the size of an adult--she's as tall as my older sister and TALLER than the mother of her best friend. My 12 yr old daughter is even taller than my 14 yr old.

I don't get it.

What's the youngest age you would leave your child in your car while you run into the store?  

What do you consider the criteria for being old enough? (maturity, physical ability to open the door if the child gets hot, a driver's license, etc...?)





 

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"...Eff You..." at church??

I was a lot surprise by a post I saw on Facebook tonight. It said that a Pastor told his congregation "...eff you!..."

I was appalled, shocked, and, even, a little embarrassed, and a lot protective/defensive.

I read some of the comments in response to the posting and decided to brave the video to see what was going on.

WELL.

After seeing the video, I join with the pastor.

If you've offended me before or offended yourself, I say "...eff You..." and here's why:

Granted. It's a little excited.

It's a little loud.

But the point is made.

FORGIVE is the F word of the day.

FORGIVE  YOU 

FORGIVE ME

FORGIVE OTHERS


Just Forgive.

Blue Independence...

 So...it's the day of the elementary school talent show. (Not literally as I type this...but the day this took place.) My nine year old daughter is going to sing God Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. She'll sing a capella. Of course, I want to be there early to get a good seat but seeing as how the show starts at nine--a reasonable time, I am running late in trying to get one single solitary 4 year old ready to leave the house ready for public interaction. This means not only getting clean clothes but her "pretty pants" and her "nice shirt" (her definition, not mine) and her sparkle shoes. She's a princess, you know, so DUH, we must look very pink, and pretty, and beautiful, and sparkly... I find all of these essentials and allow her to go into her room to independently dress herself as all big girls have to come this ability and duty at some point in life. 

We all want our children to be independent. In some way we know this is a good thing but at such early ages as we desire, I wonder if it's because we're really trying to instill something crucial and vital to life or if we're just trying to cut something out of the things we need to be apart of...if we're not passing the buck just a little...making things easier for ourselves for the sake of making things easier--in theory. In this pursuit of teaching or throwing them into the appearance of independence, sometimes we get problems that take way more time out of our day than assisting in the first place, sometimes we may find it would have been better if our children were not actually independent at the moment.

As I said, I was running late. Here we are at 8:45, clearly we need to be leaving. Instead of aiding my youngest daughter in the dressing procedure, I was in my room painting my face with a little allusion of life and combing my hair--doesn't this seem innocent and reasonable? One would think. Oh, but think not, my friends.

Sometimes the word independent is just another way to say "unsupervised". Let me just say that an unsupervised giggling 4 year old may SOUND cute and sweet, but...um...that is the sound of things looking blue. BLUE? you ask. Yes. Blue.

I call her name and ask, "Are you dressed? We need to go now. Are you ready?"

She responds that she's dressed...opens the door, walks into my room to reveal the amazing and beautiful BLUE princess that she was, ready to see her sister sing at her school!

Me? I gasped. I was less than happy but recognized with a small portion of my brain WAY back in my head than this could be a humorous situation, though at that moment I was at a loss to access that emotion though the manual movements of documenting the changing of my daughter into a Smurf were readily available.

While I was adding color to my face with cosmetics, my daughter, on her own, without my guidance was independently adding color to HER face........
                                                                  ......and hands.......
                                                                               .......and feet......
                                                                                             with a Blue Marker.

I was late to the talent show but me and Smurfette arrived to see a very impressive performance of God Bless the Broken Road by our talented 9 year old girl.

Being Bipolar Means...

Having two teens being treated for Bipolar Disorder--also know as Manic Depression--I live within my blender life on a higher setting that some. It is difficult to understand all the complicated feelings of your average teen on any given day anyway, but when their brain is working against them, too, it can be a very isolating and frustrating experience for them. Here is a video clip from YouTube I thought was touching.

Related articles

• Does manic depression mean I'm bipolar? (zocdoc.com)

The Broken Road

Today my 9 year old daughter sang in her school talent show. She sang Bless the Broken Road to her school and was so brave. She was scared and nervous but she totally conquered it. She came out, stood straight and let it go. Did she hit every single note perfectly? No. Did she melt my heart and carried the the tune well.

Her older 13 year old sister told her not to sing the song in front of he school because it was too scary. I'm so proud of her for choosing to look that fear in the face and knock it down.

It's ON

SO...two of my awesome teenage children are bipolar. Yep! Bipolar. Which means, we live in a world where the floor is a teeter totter covered in egg shells. You just never know if you're going to have a pleasant day, a pissy day, a day where you kinda just want to hide, super energetic and fun day, or a very aggressive day where violence or shredding communication will abound,...you just never know if you're going to be tossed up in the air or not and if you do if it will be fun or painful.

So, the last few days my son has been sleeping and sleeping and sleeping...just sort of being "blah" and today...WHAM! I pick him up from school and he's just chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter... I took him to the store and he was off the hook...kinda like Brendan Fraser in the 1997 movie "George of the Jungle" when he eats all of Ursula's coffee grounds and has an overly dramatic killer caffeine buzz. My son was skipping here and there and was ON, so on if he had a switch it would have been set to TURBO.  He was trying to strong arm the cart to push us in one direction and then BLAM...SWITCH directions!

WHOA! Buster. Stop. Breathe. F O C U S.   Pump your breaks.

This would be an introduction to ONE type of mania. The cranked on high, full throttle, busy brain activity--except the frontal lobe, that's where reason happens, logic, the filter for which you realize something may not actually be a bright idea after all, yeah, THAT part sorta gets lazy and just, well, goes on strike, takes a break, blows it's circuit. What you're left with is GO GO GO GO GO.... for better or worse...

Now we just have to see if he's going to trigger his sister and in which direction that running duck with go...