My ex-husband, however, feels completely different. He, and his mother, feels strongly against my children calling my husband, Mark, "dad". I have been told under no uncertain terms that he did NOT want his kids calling Mark "dad" because they already have a dad. My ex-mother-in-law scolded my daughter for having called Mark "dad". My daughter was told that if she's going to call Mark "dad" then she might just as well call her father by his first name because she can only have one dad.
Whatever.
I feel like Mark has earned being called "dad" should my children feel so inclined but, out of respect for my ex-husband's role, I agreed that I wouldn't have them refer to him as "dad".
Let's just assume my stepchildren were to start calling me "mom". Would I sign my name on birthday or Christmas cards as "mom"? No. Why? Out of respect for their mother. It is always on my mind to be respectful and thoughtful to the relationship boundaries of my stepchildren and their mother regardless of whether we're getting along or not.
Enter my ex-husband's new girlfriend. This is a relationship approaching 6 months now and they are engaged. Trouble is, last June he was engaged to someone else, and 9 months before that he was engaged to and entirely different person.
Now, don't get me wrong, at first blush, I think this lady is nice, pleasant, and, probably, has a fairly good head on her shoulders. She's human, so she's not going to be perfect.
It was my daughter's birthday Saturday which just so happened to be her father's visitation weekend. Yesterday she came home, showed me what she got for her birthday from her family up there, handed me the birthday card they got her--which was perfect and super fun--and my eyes could not move past the signature. This woman signed the card "Mom and Dad". Mom? Mom??? MOM??? Are you KIDDING me? They aren't even married. They haven't even made a full trip around the sun together. This time last year she didn't even know my children and she's signing her name as MOM on my daughter's birthday card?
AND...WHERE is my ex-husband in all of this? What happened to his big fricken hairy fit over parental boundaries? Where's all his indignation? What happened to our mutual agreement that we would not be calling our significant others "mom" or "dad" because they already HAVE a mom and a dad???
My husband has been here every single day for the last several years, consistent and constant, working his bottom off, attending school performances, volunteering, tending to when ill, doing what dad's do, while my ex-husband comes in and goes out...he'll be fine so long as he has a girlfriend but as soon as he doesn't he falls off the face of the planet and my children don't see or hear from him for months. But, my husband cannot be referred to as "dad", no, not someone actually acting like a parent, only a new person who's just arrived on the scene get's to have a parental title.
I'm frustrated. I'm hurt. I feel totally and completely disrespected.
The most stupid thing about this is that I am not morally opposed to my children calling their stepmother "mom" should they feel they are loved and safe and connected enough to do so...but, they DON'T HAVE a stepmother yet AND I find the hypocrisy of it all disgusting and I'm unable to stomach it.
WHY am I following the rules and the agreements we made when my ex-husband clearly feels no need or obligation to do the same?
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